In our last blog post, we considered the distinction between leaders who tend towards being ‘direct’ in their interactions with others and those who tend towards being ‘blunt’. We used this comparison to distinguish between an authentic, effective, emotionally healthy leader and one who isn’t.

As we discussed, being ‘authentic’ as a leader includes being open to expressing ourselves in ways that others understand, along with a willingness to be vulnerable in that process.

In this post I’d like to continue to reflect on authentic ‘above-the-line’ leadership by revisiting the notion of vulnerability in leadership.

It is quite normal to experience feelings of vulnerability as a leader. Leadership requires navigating uncertainty, so every leader, no matter how experienced, has times when they don’t feel as clear or confident about what to do next, or may not even have any idea of how to solve a particularly tricky problem. Many of us have had times when we’ve questioned our ability to handle the responsibilities we’ve been given.

These feelings are rarely comfortable, so many leaders develop coping strategies that help them deal with this discomfort, shielding themselves from admitting any vulnerability or allowing others to see it. They develop ‘protective coatings’ that act as a shield between what they truly feel and the image they project to others. When they do this, they become focused on protecting themselves, even if that comes at the expense of the wellbeing of those around them or leads to making less optimal decisions. In short, they move ‘below the line’.

These protective coatings can manifest in a wide variety of ways. Here are a few examples (you may identify with some of them):

  • The leader steps in to take control in a situation motivated mainly by the need to appear ‘strong’ or ‘firm’. (Being ‘blunt’, without consideration of its impact, is a good example of this.)
  • The leader keeps their thoughts and feelings suppressed, blending in so as not to risk being wrong or appearing ‘weak’.
  • The leader is quick to judge or critique others or ascribe blame for what is happening rather than lose face.
  • The leader decides that no one else has the capacity to cope with what is going on so they take over, rationalising that ‘if I do it, it will be done properly’.
  • The leader is focused on results regardless of the cost, their focus on being admired for their achievements above all else.
  • The leader makes it ‘all about me’, telling everyone how they are feeling in what is – and they need to understand this – not an ordinary situation.
  • The leader holds back on making a decision lest they risk being seen as incompetent.
  • The leader believes that only they can see the significance of the challenges being faced, and they need everyone to understand their (the leader’s) importance in that light.
  • The leader ‘takes flight’, shrinking into their office or finding reasons to be offsite rather than engaging with their team.

The emotionally healthy leader – a leader operating above the line – doesn’t shy away from vulnerability. They are willing and able to shed their protective coatings and sit with their vulnerability: to sit with ambiguity, complexity and uncertainty. Their ability to remain curious and open to possibilities, and to recognise the assumptions they are making and their impact on themselves and others.

The emotionally healthy leader embraces vulnerability, recognising that it is a normal and expected aspect of being a leader – and that truly effective leadership means allowing those you lead to understand this too.

Allowing yourself to be more vulnerable – a significant step in increasing emotional health – starts with recognising any protective coatings you have developed. We need to draw on the inner observer, bring our behaviours from an unconscious to a conscious level and so recognising the coping strategies we use and the impact they have.

As we do this, we will find ourselves in a position to understand ‘why we do what we do’. We can move above the line in times of potential leadership vulnerability, adapting and adjusting our responses and allowing ourselves to make different choices.

There are a number of specific techniques that will allow you to recognise what drives and motivates you, raising your consciousness and increasing your emotional health. We have written about these in a previous blog post and I encourage you to read that article.

Gayle

Image credit: Nick Decorte on Unsplash