The ‘inner observer’ is an expression we use a lot in our work, and we are often asked for more explanation about what it is and how it can be achieved.
The inner observer is central to emotional health.
People who are emotionally healthy are conscious of themselves – their thoughts, their emotions and their behaviours – and the impact they have on others. They are able to recognise and overcome the various influences and constraints that they experience (either from others or themselves) through the choices they make and the practices they use.
They achieve this by being able to ‘switch on’ their inner observer. Doing this enables them to choose above-the-line responses to situations they find themselves in.
To help you understand what this means, imagine you are in a job interview.
The interviewer asks you a question, which you answer. However, if your inner observer is active, you will do a lot more than simply providing the answer. In the process of developing and delivering your answer you will:
- Watch the interviewer for non-verbal cues and determine the impact of your response, as you are delivering it. For instance, are you getting a smile, a nod, a frown or a direct look? How positive do you feel as a result?
- Observe yourself and your own body language and cues and explore the impact these are having on you. How you are sitting, do you need to adjust your position? What about your eye contact and smile? What sensations are you noticing in your body – e.g. dry throat, hot neck or chest, shaking hands or feet – and what might these mean for what you do next?
- Check in on your own verbal response by quickly analysing those non-verbal cues from the interviewer and reminding yourself about what you could include if the next question is related to the one just asked.
Another way of understanding the inner observer is to use an analogy offered by Ron Heifetz in his book Leadership on the Line (with Marty Linsky). Heifetz describes an imaginary dance floor overlooked by a balcony. He uses this image to advise leaders on leading and navigating through change. In short, leaders need to be able to ‘stand on the balcony’ in order to get a ‘big picture’ view of what is going on, but they also need to join the dance if they want to effect change.
The same metaphor can be used to describe the inner observer.
Imagine you are on a balcony overlooking a group of dancers on the floor below. From this position, you can see and explore the patterns the dancers create, delighting in the moves they make and the complexity of how they navigate around each other. You can truly experience the pleasure of the performance through the complete picture you have of what is happening.
Now imagine you are one of the dancers – moving in time with the music, engaged in the rhythm and timing of the dance and trusting in your partner to guide and encourage you. You are now experiencing the pleasure of the performance from within.
Finally, imagine that while you are still on the dance floor, you look up to the balcony – and there you are watching the dance as well.
It is the ability to do this – to be both ‘in’ the experience and outside it at the same time – that indicates your inner observer is working. This perspective enables you to see not only what is happening and what you are doing but also understand the impact you may be having on others.
Strengthening your inner observer comes with practice, through imagining situations like an interview or a dance, and then transferring the use of your inner observer in real situations. The more you practice the easier it becomes.
Building and strengthening this capability is a pre-requisite for improving your ability to choose your responses and constantly appraising what you might do differently to have a more effective impact.
Over time you will find yourself not only choosing your responses, but choosing better responses as well. And with that your emotional health will continue to improve.
Gayle
