One of the conversations I have been having with leaders lately is around being ‘authentic’ and what that means for the way in which they lead and enable others.

Many leaders express a recognition that it is critical to ‘be yourself’ in the way you ‘show up’ as a leader. People need to know who you are, what you stand for, what is important for you and what that looks like in action.

However, amongst these views there is some variation in what leaders regard as authenticity in practice. For instance, one leader I am working with described the need for leaders to be themselves, then finished by saying, ‘…and if that means being blunt, then that’s how it is’.

The use of the word ‘blunt’ jarred with me, and it got me thinking about whether being blunt really is part of being authentic. I’d like to offer another perspective as you work on being who you truly are.

The Leadership Circle describes authenticity in leadership in this way: ‘Your leadership is an expression of your true self – not masked by organisational politics, looking good, winning approval, etc. [It is also about] your ability to take tough stands, bring up the ‘un-discussibles’, openly deal with relationship problems and share personal feelings/vulnerabilities about a situation.’

In our world of emotional healthy leadership, we know that to be effective as a leader we need to be functioning at a minimum of level 4: Recognition. At this above-the-line level of emotional health, our ‘inner observer’ is active. We monitor the impact on others of what we do and what we say and we continually adapt and adjust these to meet the circumstances we face.

When we are operating as a leader at level 4, the quality of authenticity is alive and well. There are likely still times when our responses are influenced by other people or specific circumstances, and we are finding our feet in relation to where we won’t compromise. However, the way that looks and feels includes being open to expressing ourselves in ways that others understand along with a willingness to be vulnerable.

When we do express ourselves, we are clear and straightforward while remaining above the line. We describe circumstances as we see them while also factoring in others’ feelings, their current circumstances and where they might be on the emotional health levels. The word we use to describe this sort of emotionally healthy communication is ‘direct’. Being direct in this way is to both be authentic and be an effective leader.

On the other hand, when a leader is sitting ‘below the line’ at level 5 – Automated Response – or lower, they are in a different space entirely. Their focus is first and foremost on ensuring they are okay themselves – long before they consider others. Their capacity to choose their behaviours becomes limited as they tend to react in situations without thinking about what else might be possible. They see the world in terms of winners and losers, of ‘either…or’ rather than ‘both…and’.

When someone is operating as a leader at level 5, other people and specific circumstances press their ‘hot buttons’ and they react to stay in control, to get the attention they believe they deserve or to feel safe. This is when being ‘blunt’ appears. Yes, the leader gets to the point, describing situations as they see them. However now this is done without factoring in other’s feelings or circumstances.

In contrast to the Leadership Circle definition of authenticity, this leader does not want to reveal their true self. They demonstrate a lack of leadership effectiveness by resorting to long-held ways of behaving that are designed to protect themselves – hiding their vulnerability and values and avoiding having to deal openly with what is in front of them.

On the surface, the distinction between being ‘direct’ and being ‘blunt’ might be subtle, however digging a bit deeper reveals a powerful distinction. The difference lies in a genuine willingness to pause and consider others before speaking or sending out that email. It lies in a readiness to be vulnerable, as opposed to pretending that yours is the only opinion that matters.

While it is genuinely positive that most leaders we work today with see authenticity as a desirable trait, there needs to be recognition that being authentic means more than simply ‘saying it like it is’.

Gayle

Image: Lake Eyre, South Australia. Photo by Megan Clark on Unsplash