It is interesting to look back on the year that has been 2017 and reflect on the content of the blog posts we have shared over this time.
When I did just that, what was unexpected was the emergence of an underlying theme in all of them around making conscious choices to affect who you are and how you impact others.
If I had a magic wand that I could wave just once, it would be over the many ‘leaders’ we experience (both publicly and privately) who do not appear to be aware of their impact and the consequences of their behaviour on others.
Enabling these leaders to make conscious choices and implement mindful practices in order to create more meaningful interactions and respectful relationships would be my wish.
I do hold compassion for these leaders and the way they are currently ‘showing up’. I appreciate that the level of awareness they hold in relation to their impact on others is generally not high and that their basic fears and the resulting coping strategies they use drive their behaviour.
For example, when a leader (or anyone for that matter) perceives that their basic fear of being harmed or controlled by others, and thus becoming vulnerable, is about to be realised (whether that is true or not), their coping strategy is often to exert their will in order to remain strong and in charge of their life and that of others.
When a leader perceives that their basic fear of being worthless and having no value other than through what they achieve is about to be realised, they start getting things done in the most efficient and expedient way – such as taking credit for ideas that are not their own to gain the attention of others.
These ways of engaging and behaving are not conscious. When, in our work, we meet with a leader to share our observations of what their responses look like in action we are often met with denial, justification, blaming others or defence of their position.
It would be so wonderful to have a magic wand available at a moment like this, to have these leaders truly understand the significance of the impact they have had, and what that has caused others to do as a result. With a simple wave, they would then make a conscious choice to do something differently, to find a different way of engaging and leading others.
Unfortunately I don’t have that wand, and nor does anyone else. So what can we do when we meet this level of leader? It is about us making a conscious choice to provide respectful feedback (often with great courage) on the impact of what we have experienced and what could be more effective.
It might feel that what we say will fall on deaf ears. It might feel like providing such feedback could be a career-limiting move. It might feel it isn’t worth it given the spiteful or malicious response we will likely get. However, the consequence of not speaking up needs to be weighed against the possible responses, for without feedback these leaders will continue to pursue their ‘least action pathways’ to cope with the situations they face.
I am always available for a cup of coffee (real or virtual) to support the conscious choice you make.
Gayle
Image by Photo by paul morris on Unsplash
