We really enjoy exploring the concept of ‘both…and’ (introduced to us by Dianne and Alan Collins in their amazing QuantumThink program) and reflecting on the flexibility that is required to truly accept more than one way of being, appreciating, feeling, seeing, sensing and/or doing things.

Being flexible is an integral part of operating ‘above the line’: having the ability to ‘give and take’ and to suspend judgment. Having the ability to let go of what we hold in a situation and instead taking the opportunity to adapt and adjust and see things differently.

In contrast, when we are triggered by something or someone and shift ‘below the line’, our ability to remain flexible shifts dramatically. In these situations we tend to use our defense mechanisms to keep us ‘safe’. In these moments we prefer to stay with what we know and believe to be right rather than doing anything differently.

It follows that if we can work to maintain flexibility even in situations we find challenging, we have a greater chance of staying ‘above the line’.

As a result of these reflections, we created a series of prompts based on the Enneagram to remind us of what flexibility can mean to us (and others) and what we can do differently to maintain flexibility and stay ‘above the line’. See which ones feel familiar to you and what the alternatives might be in order to remain flexible.

Flexibility can mean:

  • going with the flow when you want to be in control
  • stepping up to lead the way rather than continually being the follower
  • acknowledging that there is more than one right way to get things done
  • letting others care for you when you would much prefer to look after them
  • acknowledging the contribution of others in what you have achieved rather than being alone in the limelight
  • recognizing that others have unique ideas that are just as amazing as yours
  • giving the best answer you have even when you think you don’t have enough information
  • taking a risk rather than being burdened by worrying about the consequences sitting with (rather than escaping from) the pain of a situation and appreciating the feelings and emotions associated with it.

If you recognize that one or more of these as approaches would provide you with more flexibility than you currently have, then it’s time to take the next step.

To do that, catch yourself in a situation in which you are being triggered – for instance, you feel annoyed that someone is not doing something the ‘right way’. Without self-judging, mentally note what is happening in your body, with your feelings and in your thinking. This is about ‘getting on the balcony’ rather than being in the dance. If you can say out loud what you are experiencing, or write it down, even better.

Now, change the message – in your body, in your feelings and in your mind. If you are standing up, sit down; if you are moving towards someone, move back; if your face is taut, smile and relax the muscles; if you are wanting to speak, remain quiet; if you are thinking “what an idiot”, change the language to “this is another way of getting the same result”.

Whatever the situation, there are flexible alternatives. Let us know how you go and what works for you. We are always open to both…and!