This month we welcome a guest contributor to our blog. Mai Avery has over a decade’s experience in ecommerce. She is a member of the inaugural 2021 cohort for the Small Giant’s Mastery of Business & Empathy program on which Gayle has been a member of the faculty and during which Mai received coaching from Global Fellow Sari Ajanko. Mai believes where we work should be a place in which we all help each other realise our potential.
As I write this, I am nearing completion of the Mastery of Business & Empathy (MBE) course at Small Giants Academy. The MBE introduced me to the Global Leadership Foundation whose guidance has made an incredible impact on my growth.
My former self: my family were Vietnamese refugees, fortunate to settle in Melbourne, Australia. Discipline was ingrained. ‘Head down, pray hard, study hard, work hard!’
I complied as best I could. Behavioural norms and expectations were thrust upon me, yet my innate curiosity questioned their significance. I knew that certain workings of society didn’t quite feel right to me.
Compared to other kids, I looked different and was poorer, and was sometimes treated differently. Defiant, I grew a ‘thick skin’ as an emotional barrier – a wall that I would not allow to crumble. My wall protected me from a societal system in which my role and contribution seemed undefined and insignificant.
‘Good grades and a degree are prerequisites for survival.’ I ran with this and labelled myself the underdog who would start my race amid the lower echelons of society. Perhaps this made my wins, achieved with stealth and subtlety, so satisfying … and addictive.
I began to establish myself within the corporate world, however making friends was not part of my success equation. Work had clear boundaries and emotions belonged outside those. I managed, but I didn’t lead. I applied a highly directive management style and pushed productivity and efficiency, expecting my team to perform at my pace. Achieving sales targets was my justification.
What was my turning point? It was likely a culmination of events that gradually chipped away at those once impenetrable emotional walls.
I found myself on the other side of the fence, working with authoritative figures who were masters of their craft. I wanted to learn from them, yet they seemed uninterested in coaching or understanding me. Left to my own devices, I yearned for connection and guidance. Perhaps I exuded independence and confidence, causing others to perceive me as self-sufficient. Perhaps my emotional walls rendered me unapproachable, so people simply didn’t bother! I became petulant, believing my managers were not invested in my development.
I began to evaluate my relationships with those I managed and realised I had an amazing yet unacknowledged team of beautiful hearts and minds. They weren’t open because of my walls. So, brick by brick, demolition began. Exposing my vulnerabilities hurt and was scary, however it was key to my transformation into someone I could begin to call a ‘leader’.
What is the role of a leader? A leader is someone who strives to empathise, helps people realise their potential and is open to learning from others, regardless of their title/position.
Power is not a prerequisite for becoming a leader.
This year, I had the privilege to be coached by the Global Leadership Foundation, who helped me strengthen my self-awareness and emotional health. It became clear that my past behaviours were primarily driven by my ‘body’ and ‘head’ centres. These amplify such things as gut feel, instinct, knowledge, reasoning and insight. What I had largely neglected was my ‘heart centre’, characterised by feelings, emotions and intuition.
I arrived at this point of self-awareness by surrendering myself to be guided and confronted with the hard, critical questions that needed to be asked. As difficult as that was, the answers required my own ruthless honesty. Once I began to see myself from that angle, I felt truly liberated.
My quest to lead with greater empathy and humility is a constant work-in-progress as I strive to get the balance right between my body, head and heart centres. How do I confirm I’m on-track? Yoga is a fair analogy: When learning a new yoga pose, I’m uncomfortable and unbalanced, but with diligent practice I achieve strength and stability.
So it is with leadership.
Often we must step way out of our comfort zone, peer deep within our soul and apply disciplinary practice on the inner work necessary to becoming the worthy leader we aspire to be.
I’m getting there.
Mai Avery
Applications for the 2022 Small Giants Academy Mastery of Business & Empathy program are now open, however they close soon, on November 9. Click here to find out more.
