The inner observer and the inner critic

For many of you, ‘Be the change you want to see’ may be an overused phrase. In our world, it is a powerful reminder that in order to create something different in or for ourselves, we need to make a conscious choice to do so.

Making conscious choices and implementing mindful practices are extremely important when we are working on increasing our emotional health and staying ‘above the line’.

Making the best choice at any moment requires that we get ‘real time’ feedback, and for this we rely on our ‘inner observer’. It monitors what we are doing, the choices we are making, the impact we are having and the outcomes that are being realised as a result of all these.

However, the inner observer is usually not alone. Often sitting closely alongside it is our ‘inner critic’ – that little voice that pops up bringing self-criticism, self-doubt and increased levels of self-analysis.

It doesn’t take much for our inner critic to cause us to feel quite defeated. It can trigger us to restrict our choices or to maintain or revert to old ways of doing things. It reassures us that if we avoid taking risks or stepping outside our comfort zone, we will avoid the negative feelings associated with these.

So how can we deal with this inner critic when we really want to make change?.

We would suggest that the inner critic is simply seen as another ‘observation’ we are making about ourselves at the time – that we take on the inner critic’s ‘opinions’ as something else to be considered in the ‘mix’. When we do this we can then ask our inner observer to determine how accurate that ‘little voice’ is.

For example, if the inner critic says “What a stupid statement you just made!”, then use inner observer techniques to check in on the nonverbal cues and verbal responses of others to what you said. Assess the validity of the inner critic’s ‘view’ against all this other data, not letting the inner critic’s opinion dominate. It is as though we are using the inner observer as a ‘coach’ to the inner critic.

Another important way of checking the accuracy of the inner critic is to seek external feedback on how we are going in building our emotional health and the impact we are having as a result. Seeking feedback from others we trust and respect provides an additional and very valuable perspective on our progress. It also engages those people in supporting us in our growth and development.

The inner critic is often triggered by long held beliefs and attitudes that take time to be replaced by new ones. Checking on the reliability of and the assumptions made by the inner critic is an important step in strengthening our inner observer and hence increasing our emotional health.

Increasing the power and potential of the inner observer does require us to acknowledge the inner critic and work with it. We look forward to some of your tips and techniques on what is working for you.