Reflect on the last time you went to ‘delegate’ a task but didn’t. What were you thinking as you made that decision? Was it: ‘It is easier to do it myself’, ‘If I want it done properly I need to do it myself’ or ‘No one else knows how to do it, so I will do it myself’? Was it ‘Everyone else is busy, so I will do it myself’?

Reflect on the last time you needed to share some critical information with others at short notice – information that was only known to yourself. Did you simply become the expert and treat everyone else as not knowing as much as you? Did you give everyone everything, regardless of whether they needed it or not?

Reflect on the last time you had a conversation with someone who was very excited to share what they were thinking, however their thoughts were of less interest to you. What did you do? Did you continue typing emails on your computer, nodding your head and saying ‘Mmm hmm’ every now and then? Did you look at the person as though you were interested while having a completely different conversation in your head? Did you change the topic as quickly as possible back to something that interested you?

Enabling and including are qualities held by emotionally healthy people. They reflect the desire and ability to develop, support and constructively engage others and are the result of highly conscious choices and mindful practices.

When we enable and include others we open up the opportunity to build respectful and constructive relationships – where contribution and discretionary effort become the norm.

So what are some simple techniques we can practice that build and strengthen our ability to enhance the involvement and engagement of others?

A good starting point is to ask yourself the following questions:

  • How do I build the skills and capability of those around me so they know more and can use it?
  • How do I find out what people already know so that I can make what I am sharing timely and relevant?
  • What can I do to make this easy for everyone?
  • Where am I with my streams of attention when in conversation with others? How am I listening? What am I listening with? What can I learn?
  • How can I ensure that others can continue to build on what I have begun and achieve success?

Consider your answers to these questions and take the appropriate actions in response. Then notice the impact your actions are having. Notice the way enabling the people around you improves your relationship with them and increases their confidence. Notice how both you and they become more engaged in what you are collectively doing.

Enabling and including others does require an investment. Sometimes you need to be willing, in the short term, to have something done more slowly than you would do it yourself. There may even be a mistake or two made. Sharing information selectively requires more upfront effort too. And being present in conversations requires energy on your part and might mean that it takes you longer to get your own work done.

However the rewards will always pay back this investment many times over. You just need to be willing to make it.