In my last post I looked at emotional triggers that come from our environment and some ways we can learn to deal with these in an emotionally healthy way. Another source of triggers can be more ingrained: they come from long held beliefs and assumptions.
There is an example of this sort of trigger which has become common around the streets of many Australian cities – and particularly Melbourne – over the last few years: the clash between motorists and cyclists. At times, displays of yelling and abuse between drivers and bike riders escalate to the verge of all-out battle, as this recent ad portrays (you may need to click the Back button to return to this page):
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auIJhcSIvcA
As the ad demonstrates very well, there is nothing inherently confronting about two people nearly bumping into each other. When it happens on foot, there is rarely any attribution of guilt; a quick apology and everyone moves on. But when one person is in a car and the other on a bike the dynamics of the situation change, the participants’ responses quite often coming from ‘below the line’.
There are many other situations in our lives in which stereotyping and assumptions can prompt similar seemingly predisposed responses. The question is, once again, what can be done in practice to operate above the line in these situations?
The first step, as always, is to ‘catch the reaction’, which I’ve written about before and won’t dwell on again here.
The next step is about reflection – a variation on the reflection we talked about last time. The question to ask yourself here is: “what is it about this situation that predisposes me to that response?”
Often our response is coming from a wider community point of view or set of circumstances. In the case of cars and cyclists, for instance, our roads have been getting more congested, whilst at the same time there has been an enormous increase in the number of cyclists on those roads. As a result, ‘interactions’ are more frequent and frustration levels are rising.
Sometimes our response is further reinforced by what we see in the media or hear amongst our friends. In the public mind a relatively small number of incidents can be amplified into something that happens “all the time”, and in so doing become something we almost expect to take place every time we go out.
After reflecting on why you might be predisposed to a given course of action, you can further reflect on your options for acting or thinking differently.
Often a healthier reaction will be quite clear if you look for it. In the car/bike scenario, the better, ‘above the line’ reaction is already commonplace on foot. Instead of an instant attribution of blame, a quick wave of apology on one or both sides could quickly diffuse the situation.
Other times you might need to dig deeper to find a healthier response, but there’s no doubt that seeing each person and situation on their/its merits, individually, will take you a long way towards finding one.
Gayle
