There are times in our lives when we can’t help but look back with hindsight. As I go through one of those periods at the moment, I’ve been reflecting on the nature of hindsight itself. Its meaning, its value, its implications.
Hindsight is about looking back, but it is more than just remembering. It is about looking back and allowing ourselves to understand the past with more clarity than we had at the time, whether that past was some years ago or only yesterday.
Our natural inclination is to use hindsight to prompt questions.
There are questions about the path we have followed: What would I have done differently, given what I know now? Would I have made different choices? Would I be a different person?
And there are questions about our relationships: Did I do enough? Have I met others’ expectations of me – especially those of my parents? Could I have been a better child, or spouse, or parent, or friend?
When asked to look back with hindsight, my inclination has always been to respond that no, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. And while I’ve been thinking more deeply about this lately, I still find myself giving the same answer. For me, hindsight is not about getting stuck in “what-if?” – to have chosen a different path would have been to live a different life, and I’m very thankful for the life I have.
But none of that is to say that we can’t use hindsight to learn lessons from the past. In fact, this sort of self-reflection is an important part of building our emotional health: drawing on our past selves to know more about our present self. Understanding more clearly why we took a particular path, and the impact that choice had on ourselves and those around us, is a part of self-realisation.
In this sense hindsight becomes a place to visit, but not to dwell in for too long. It might change the way we act in future, or it might not (at least consciously). Hindsight is a gift, not a burden; it’s a ticket to a more enlightened future, not a chain holding us back. Hindsight needs acknowledgement, but ultimately we need to look to the future.
When I look back with hindsight now, with my father and now my mother having both recently passed away, it isn’t about blaming myself, or wishing for something different. There is a longing there, certainly. A yearning, perhaps, that there might have been more time. But as much as this sort of hindsight can hurt, it’s also a reminder of the importance of being present, of always living in the moment and being grateful for what I have had in the past and for what I have now.
In loving memory of my mum, Pat (Patricia) Henderson, who passed away peacefully on Saturday, June 16, 2012.
Gayle
A really interesting post Gayle. When someone important passes from our lives I think we are all prompted to ask the questions you mention.
Hindsight is also interesting in light of psychology research that suggests our memories of past events is not so accurate or reliable. I wonder if you have thoughts about how our hindsight might (or might not be) a mixture of self-justification and meaning making?
Thanks for your blogs – I always love reading your insights.
Beautiful thoughts Gayle. Yes we can learn from the past and prepare for the future, but life is what we have right now. It’s not helpful to live in the worlds of ‘what if..” and ‘why didn’t I..”
Trust that in time the pain of your mum’s loss will be replaced by warm memories that will sustain you.
Gayle that is the most helpful explanation of hindsight I have come across and I thank you for it. My thoughts are with you
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Dear Gayle.
Love and sincere condolences on the loss of your mother. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, especially at this time- especially your reminder that different choices in the past would have led to a different life today, so regrets are not helpful. Saying that, as you point out, looking back with the benefit of hindsight can be very helpful and indeed can serve as a great reminder of mindfulness and being present NOW. It’s good to know your mother passed away peacefully.
Best wishes, Deborah
My thoughts are with you, Gayle. A big Hug.
Thanks for sharing your reflections with us, Gayle. They bring back memories of my parents and late husband. One of the things I have learned is that no one can actually take anyone away from us, entirely … Even death! While we remember them, they are still with us, but in a different way. And with those memories, come all the wisdoms they shared with us during their lives. My very wise late husband’s analytical thinking has saved me a couple of times … It was something he always did, and by being with him in those years, I found I learned it too.
Many hugs to you. Hilary xx
Hi Gayle,
Please accept our condolences on your loss.
The way you approach life continues to amaze me, I think when this loss happens to me I will be absolutely knocked out with the grief. Keep inspiring us, please.
The whole GCLP family sends its love and condolences, look after yourselves and we will catch up with you soon.
With love,
Barry Rogers and Rosemary Allica.
More amazing stuff Gayle. Thanks for this. You are such an ‘evolved’ person. Very authentic.
A couple of years ago, I left behind a chapter of my life and I find that I often reflect on that chapter. Your discussion of hindsight is exactly the way I feel. I can visit that time, examine particular memories and see in almost clinical fashion, how I and others behaved and reacted, and in many cases, why that was so. It helps me to understand more about people in general and about those people in particular. I now have an emotional distance that allows me to do that, and it often confirms for me that I have made the correct choices in life. I too, am very happy with what I have had and have now.
My thoughts are with you, Gayle.