Ranger diving for Trochus Shells to monitor their size inside and outside the Marine Protected Area of Tetepare, Solomon Islands.
Several readers responded to my last blog post, ‘Listening for the first time’, with comments about how refreshing it was to truly stop and listen to what was being said to them without prejudging what they were about to hear. After reading a wonderful QuantumThink distinction known as ‘Observer-created Reality’, it occurred to me that the same concept can be applied more broadly to the assumptions we make about ourselves, other people and the situations we find ourselves in.
This distinction tells us that “reality as we see it is always being shaped by the way in which we observe it”. Just as scientific instruments can influence that which they are observing, so too, as human ‘instruments’, can our observations be coloured by the assumptions we bring to a situation: our automatic judgments and beliefs, conclusions drawn based on what we believe to be the ‘truth’…”
As I reflected on the whole concept of assumptions, I was struck by how easy it is to fall into the trap of making them.
It is so easy to enter a situation:
- already believing that nothing will change, no matter what you do
- with a predetermined outcome in mind, or a predetermined process to follow (perhaps because it has worked before)
- with predictions about the choices others will make because you ‘know them’ so well
- convinced that you will end up having to do everything because no one else will be interested.
And so the list goes on.
I am sure we have all found ourselves making assumptions like these from time to time. Such assumptions can become very hard to see past as they are reinforced over time by our life experiences.
So what might we be able to do differently when we find ourselves making assumptions?
What I have learnt is the more that you say you are going to ‘change’ your assumptions, the more they seem to stay in your mind.
Our QuantumThink coach, Alan Collins has a anecdote that illustrates this so well. “When I tell you not to think about a polar bear,” he says, “what is the first thing that comes into your mind? That’s right – a polar bear! So by saying you are going to change a habit or emotion, the first thing that appears is the habit or emotion itself. Not a great way to start to change”.
The way to remove assumptions (and polar bears) from your mind is similar to one of the techniques I mentioned last week. It’s about being conscious of their existence without trying to force them away.
When an assumption appears, simply acknowledge it and move back into the conversation, meeting, situation or process you are in.
When you notice criticism and judgments of yourself or others, emotions that surface quickly and take over your thoughts or conversations, feelings of avoidance, guilt or lack of interest in what is happening around you – just to name a few – simply stop and acknowledge what you are experiencing. Become aware of what is present at that moment and choose the way you want to be, for instance “I am calm”, “I am interested”, “I am open”, or “I am relaxed”.
At first this might seem like an overly simple technique, however when you are aware of the assumptions you are making, you have a choice. You can choose another way of engaging at that moment and move on.
Don’t expect to master this technique at the first try. Give it some time. You may not experience anything different in those first few tentative steps, but with time and practice the transformation will come.
Gayle
