In our conversations with others about the concept of the ‘line of choice’, we often describe ‘below the line’ as a place we go to in order to stay or feel safe in difficult situations.

Let’s look at an example to further explain this.

Imagine a colleague at work comes up to you in a public area and, with a very loud voice and no warning, starts to give you quite harsh and unconstructive feedback about your performance.

Stop reading for a moment and reflect on what your immediate response would be.

Given most of us have an automatic ‘flight, fight or freeze’ response (a physiological reaction) to a perceived harmful event, attack or threat to survival, it is likely one of these will be your first response.

This automatic response may feel quite justified; you may not feel that it is ‘below the line’. After all, your personal safety ‘reaction’ has been triggered in response to your colleague’s behaviour.

However, if you remain in this instinctive flight-or-fight mode of engaging you will only be providing the opportunity for the other person to persevere and any feeling of safety will be shortlived. After catching that initial response, a different kind of behaviour is needed.

So what might this look like? What can you do differently from the ‘flight, fight or freeze’ response? How do you find a way forward that moves you away from the difficult situation you find yourself in, reduces the perceived threat from the other person and maintains your self-worth?

One of the simplest things you can do as a first step is take a deep breath and pay attention to your feet. This will immediately help you to become ‘grounded’ and present to the situation, providing you with a platform to move away from your automatic response.

A similar result can be achieved by changing your physical position. If you are standing then sit down, or even just move from being completely upright to leaning against something.

As you ground yourself, try managing your own ‘energy field’ by bringing words to mind that reflect the qualities you want more of at that moment – words such as ‘calm’, ‘compassionate’ and ‘caring’. Allow these words to replace any protective words and thoughts that are likely to be at the front of your mind.

Having achieved that initial shift in your perspective – something that can take only a fraction of a second with practice – you may be able to start seeing the person in front of you in a different light.

What has bought them to this point? What has triggered their response? What has caused them to choose this moment in time to do what they are doing?

These actions will allow you to move ‘above’ what is happening and ‘take stock’. Your response to the other person will change instantly, often reducing the impact they are having. And while they may not understand what is happening, they will often experience a shift in the energy around the situation and find that their words are no longer having the impact they anticipated.

It is surprising how quickly this shift can be achieved and how much information you can process in a very short period of time. With the right level of consciousness, our mind allows us to make these sorts of internal responses quickly and quietly.

And while these responses may not sound very significant, they will allow you to ‘sit with what is’ in the moment and provide you with the time and energy to construct an ‘above the line’ next step forward. In this way you can move to a more sustainable position of safety.

None of us likes dealing with confronting and difficult situations in the workplace. However if we can learn to shift ‘above the line’, we can greatly reduce the effect of these situations, not only on ourselves but on those around us. In the longer term, we will be making a contribution towards a calmer, safer workplace for all.