If you are a regular reader of this blog, you’ve probably become reasonably familiar with one of the key concepts associated with emotional health: the notion of the automated response. You’ll understand that one of the keys to improved emotional health is the ability to catch your automated responses before they happen, instead responding in a thoughtful, considered way.

So instead of hitting the horn in anger after a car cuts in front of you, you catch that thought, pause for a quarter of a second, take a breath and realise that honking your horn is not actually going to achieve anything except causing you and others around you to go ‘below the line’.

While it’s fairly easy to comprehend the idea of the automated response in ‘surprise’ situations like this, what is less understood is how readily we can enact similar basic reactions many times every day in the most common of circumstances: conversation.

Gaining this understanding and learning to control the way we listen and respond can significantly improve our ability to have meaningful conversations that leave both ourselves and the people we interact with feeling more stimulated and engaged.

‘Automatic’ conversations

Try to tune into your thoughts the next time you are in a conversation with someone, such as when one of you is wanting to share an idea or help the other person see something differently. What you may notice is that when the other person is speaking, there are times when you are not truly listening to what they are saying. Instead, it is easy to find yourself composing a response to what they are saying while they are still speaking, and then waiting for a moment to interrupt so that you can insert that response.

This is a very common automated response in conversation. In essence we are focused on the ‘internal’ conversation going on in our head rather than truly listening to the conversation that is actually taking place. We do this partly because we have been conditioned to do so from an early age and partly because, from a neuroscience perspective, our brain conserves energy when it repeats learned patterns.

We may also use an another automated response when we are in environments where we feel insecure, uncertain or unsafe. In these situations, we can be drawn ‘below the line’, ready to blame, justify or otherwise defend ourselves against any accusation or slant that may arise.

Under any of these circumstances, it is unlikely that we are noticing our reactions, let alone thinking about the consequences for both ourselves and our organisations. How often does a good idea simply go missing because no one really heard what we were saying or we gave up trying to find a place in the conversation where we could share it ?

Changing the course of the conversation

The good news is that we can change the course of our conversations, and make a significant difference in the process, if we have the right knowledge and tools at our disposal.

Back in 1984, Nancy Kline was working as a teacher. She made the observation that very few of the teenagers she was working with were truly thinking for themselves, let alone thinking well for themselves. With further observation in the wider community she started to recognise that the root cause of this situation was that people rarely found themselves in an environment that was encouraging and allowed them the time and space to think for themselves.

Over time Nancy developed what she called the ‘10 Components of the Thinking Environment®’. These components include tacit qualities, behaviours and conditions that, combined, create the ideal circumstances for deep and transformative thinking.

For instance, one of these components is ‘attention ’ – a tacit quality in the listener that becomes an act of creation that is generative for the speaker, enabling them to go beyond their expected ability to think for themselves.

An example of a physical component is ‘place’, whereby the place in which a conversation takes place is chosen such that everybody involved in the conversation feels they matter, that their needs and feelings have been considered.

Nancy added a series of building blocks to the 10 components. When used together and practiced regularly, these can help both individuals and teams to become significantly more effective listeners and thinkers.

People, including leaders, who become proficient at creating a Thinking Environment are less triggered by internal and external factors – by the need to go below the line and defend themselves. Rather, they become more proficient at asking incisive questions and encouraging breakthrough thinking.

The Thinking Environment is particularly powerful with teams, encouraging diversity of thought, the promotion of collective wisdom and high levels of engagement.

Potential for improvement

While automated responses are difficult to change, with training and practice we can develop new behaviours that allow us to become better listeners and create environments conducive to independent thinking. However it’s important to understand that achieving this does require a conscious decision to get started. It won’t happen by itself.

Here is a simple practice you can try today. Notice when you find yourself wanting to interrupt someone who is talking. Let the thought go and consciously focus on listening with palpable interest to what the person is saying, and curiosity about where their thinking might go next. You might be surprised at the result, as will the other person given they are able to continue to share what they are thinking without (well intended) interruption.

Cathy Duvel.

Cathy, a Time to Think Faculty member and a Global Leadership Fellow, will facilitate the Thinking Environment Foundation Program in Melbourne on September 6 and 7. For more information and to reserve your place, visit this page on our website.